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| Elephant common character in Hindu mythology Source: Google Images |
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Sunday, February 3, 2019
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Extra Reading Extra Credit Week 14
Big surprise that I wanted to read more Jataka stories! I love the Jataka stories. They are still my favorite out of all the stories I have ...
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- About Me - Hi there! My name is Trini Dean and I am a Health & Exercise Science major with a minor in Spanish. I am hoping to be... -
https://sites.google.com/s/1p6kWPmEx_FejuA8IvZqE5qX8ILNFmey0/p/1LnWr768Zoptw7hcKbxsE7GGK8cKRKr-h/edit Elephant common character in Hin... -
Long ago, there was a lengthy drought. This drought caused the nearly all of the ponds to dry out except for a few, one of which still held ...
Hey Trini,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how you made Manu a boy. You explained it very well about Manu's innocence as a child. The development of your story was great. Your twist to the story does not mess with the cycle of life. I feel like there was some good karma in this story. Manu helped the fish and the fish repaid him by saving Manu's family from the flood. I would recommend giving the fish a name. His size changed from small to big. He was referenced as "little fish" for when he was small and then just fish when he became bigger. I think that giving the fish a name would humanize the fish. Also, how was Manu able to talk to the fish? I think bringing in how the fish and Manu were able to communicate would be an interesting addition to your story. You had a small misspelling in the world accidentally in "I was doing jumps out of the water and I accidently jumped too close to the edge." Overall, the story was great!
Your classmate,
Joanna
I agree with Joanna that giving the fish a name would bring more meaning to it. I also enjoyed the little bit of dialogue you added from the fish, I think by giving him a name and giving him more dialogue in the story, the bond between the fish and the family would be more present. Maybe some sentences describing how Manu cared for the fish as well. I also would love a comparison to the size of the fish in each cycle. Maybe an animal to compare it to on top of the container to emphasize the fish's size. When the fish goes into the ocean and helps the family by pulling their boat, I would have loved a size comparison so I can picture how big the fish was. Also, maybe a short description on what the fish looked like, like was it shiny?
ReplyDeleteI love your retelling and spin on the story though!
Ooooh, the webpage design for this story is cool. I like the seamless flow of the large image to the story and then the peaceful river sounds. It all goes well together. Of course, now I know what the story was based off of, but while I was reading it, I kept trying to connect it to something. I wonder if there was a reason that it rained every single day when the fish was released by Manu. Was this because the fish was able to go back to the water? Was it just pure coincidence that the heavy rain came? It might be interesting to go into some reason about how the fish caused the rain to come. I really like your story and the initial one because, unlike most of the Jataka stories, the animals do not have malintent towards each other. There was just an unfortunate circumstance, and everyone came together!
ReplyDeleteHi Trini,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the message of your story! It showed how good actions can lead to receiving good things in return. I feel like karma is a big topic in Indian literature and I feel like this story is a good example of karma. I also thought it was interesting that Manu was a little boy and the story was told through the innocence of a child. I agree with the comments above that maybe it would be helpful to give the fish a name. I also think it would be nice to see more details about the friendship between the fish and the child. I was also curious about the reason behind why it was raining. Did it have anything to do with the fish being returned to the water. I think these few details would make your story even better! Other than that I really loved the concept and the way the story was told. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Trini! I absolutely loved reading your story. I also really like the way you have your storybook. For example, I thought that by adding the river sound at the beginning of the story, it was able to allow the reader to have a better experience in reading the story as the setting of the story begins with Manu visiting a pond. With that being said, I thought the design and layout of your storybook was well-thought out.
ReplyDeleteMoreover, I think you can write a little bit more about how Manu cares for the fish. That way, the readers can see how their relationship develops throughout the story. I also agree that Manu should’ve given the fish a name. By giving it a name, the fish become mores personal to Manu, as he considers it to be his friend. Other than that, I really did enjoy reading your story, and I can’t wait to read more of your writing in the future!
Hi Trini!
ReplyDeleteThanks for uploading the video into your story. That was such a good idea. I also love the theme of your storybook. There are endless story possibilities when writing about animals so I am excited to see your project when it is all done.
I love the twist you put on this story. I definitely relate to Manu as I could for sure see myself doing something like this as a kid. The overall theme of your story was great. Its awesome how small acts of kindness can come around full circle. I think we should all make efforts to show kindness like the Manu and the fish.
One thing that I think could be added is something very simple yet might give more depth to the fish character. This would be to give the fish a name. I think the character would just feel a little more personal and more important to the reader.
Howdy Trini,
ReplyDeleteI would first like to say that your website has a good design and layout. I also really like the creative touch of adding background sounds for the reading of the first story. The website looks great!
The first story was a fun read. However, I do have some suggestions. As other people before me have said perhaps you should name the fish. I feel like the boy and the fish had a bond, but it would have been strong if the boy gave the fish a name. My final suggestion would be to consider adding a bit more dialogue. There was that one little line of dialogue, and I feel like adding more would enhance the story. Manu was a great read all in all.
The second story was an interesting read. It was interesting to think that the animal was teaching a human a lesson, but after I thought about it some more even though animals cannot actually speak, we still learn all kinds of lessons from them every day, especially me being a biology major. I do not think I have any suggestions for this story, I really enjoyed this read. Overall, your story book is great so far.
Hi Trini!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I wanted to say I really enjoyed your project design. I think the river sounds were such a unique and creative touch and the image for each story allowed the reader to visualize the story as they were reading it! I read Manu and thought the story was incredibly sweet and easy to understand. I know throughout some of the Indian Epic stories I have read, they are so rich with detail it makes it a little difficult to understand what is going on, but I thought yours flowed very nicely and easily allowed the reader to understand the message behind it. I did think the story was a bit predictable, but like I mentioned before, I think that added to the ease of understanding the message. This story can definitely be used in a children's book and can easily be illustrated with big colorful cartoons depicting each scene. I like your version Manu being a boy because I think it makes the character much more relateable for the reader. I did not read the original version, but I can imagine it seemed odd to the readers for a king to be helping a fish. I did want to add I did not see a link to your comment wall on your actual website. It may be easier for your peers to leave comments with a direct link on the site. Overall, great job! Again, I really like the layout and aesthetic the whole website as and look forward to reading more about animals!
I'm impressed! You inserted a video from YouTube as a source of music for readers if they choose to listen. I like the simplicity of your links to the stories, like 'Story 1' and 'Story 2.' So simple, yet it's perfect. I enjoyed both of the stories I read, and really liked the images you chose to represent your stories. I thought they were very good choices. The second story was very interesting to me, though I have not read the original. I liked the overall message given, but I still feel for the dove. Some of us just have too kind of a heart, I guess. Because it's true that the cycle of nature is important. I would like to see a link to your comment wall, at least as part of the intro or home page. If it is there, I couldn't find it. Visually, I thought your project was well presented. Not too much for my eyes to take in, and it didn't distract from the importance of the actual stories. It aided them if anything.
ReplyDeleteHi Trini!
ReplyDeleteI really like the title to your story book! It is definitely unique! This is actually my second time reading about Manu. The first time I read about him was in another student's storybook, but his story was how the fish caused a flood. I cannot remember if the flood was a different version of the original story or if it was his interpretation of it, but nonetheless, I liked really your story and comparing it to the knowledge I had before about Manu and the fish. I liked how Manu is not a king, and that it is only him and his humble family. Also, your story has a strong focus on building relationships and giving back to those that once gave to you, and I really like that you chose to emphasize this theme within your story. Keep up the good work! I cannot wait to read more of your storybook!
Hey Trini,
ReplyDeleteWow! I really like how the second story, Shibi's, went. I agree with you, the message that the story sends is very powerful. It's important not to look at things from one side and only that side. Ignoring all the other points of view can have bad consequences on others, and possibly on yourself. The way that you showed Shibi's grace through him saving the dove and in offering the hawk his own flesh was great. Apparently Shibi was a little bit too nice and the gods wanted to show him that. It might be interesting to see what happens after Shibi figures out that the dove and hawk were a test. Does he get punished for disrupting the cycle of nature, or does everyone just go home? A little bit of consequence could make the message more powerful. Maybe Shibi could lose a reasonable chunk of his flesh. Your storytelling did a good job of relaying that message from the original and great. Excited to see more animals.
Hi Trini,
ReplyDeleteI'm taking the Myth & Folklore class so it's really fun to get to read your retellings of stories that I haven't even heard of before. I think the theme of your storybook is super fun, and I love the title "Tales of Tails." One thing that might be helpful is to have the titles of the stories as the links in the menu, instead of "story one", "story two", "story three", etc. Something that I really love is how you included the video of relaxing river sounds to set the atmosphere for your first story. It'd be really neat to see what background noise or music you would choose for the other two stories, as well! Besides that, I also love the images you've chosen for the covers and to include throughout the story. I think they look really nice and also add a lot to the story by helping the reader visualize everything you're writing about. As far as the writing itself, I like how you're able to tell the stories in a short and sweet way. Great job, and good luck with the rest of the semester!
hi trini!
ReplyDeleteI think that you have done a really amazing job with the design and layout of your project. I love how you made the cover image for not only the home page but for each of the stories so big- I think it emphasizes the importance of the images and shows that they play a key role in the story. I also think the overall design is simple and easy to navigate, but it's not plain and boring. I didn't have any trouble accessing anything, which is the number one important thing in my opinion.
As far as your stories go, I love the theme that you have. There are so many interesting and fun stories about animals and I like that you have chosen to write about them. I also think that your project name is so clever and flows perfectly with the theme. Really good job, I'm excited to read more!
Hey Trini!
ReplyDeleteI love the images you have chosen for your storybook website. I also think it was very clever to add the video on the page of the first story; I read the story while it was playing, and it added another dimension to the experience. You have a clear voice in your writing and the whole thing flowed very smoothly. I have read the original story that it was based on, and I liked how you made it more relatable to readers by having the main character be a little boy. I think it would interesting to expand on the boy's relationship to the other fish in the pond as well; he seems to be a very kind soul and to have a keen connection with other living creatures. It was also quite adorable when the fish spoke to the little boy, and you might consider adding more dialogue throughout. Great job!
Hi Trini!
ReplyDeleteI still cannot get over the title to your storybook! It is so clever! I wish I was punny, but I guess only some people can possess that awesome talent. Anyway, I really liked your story! It was well developed, easy to read, had a conflict, and a very worth while resolution. I actually think that was my favorite part in your story, and I definitely agree with your interpretation of the story. Certain issues can sometimes be approached in a very one-sided manner, and even though those who try to fix it may have the right intentions, they can cause more damage. The only question I had while reading your story was: how did the dove previously know Shibi? It seems the dove knew Shibi before his encounter with the hawk, but there really was not much background on that. It is not a major problem, just my itching curiosity. Other than that, great job!
Hi Trini!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your storybook SO much! Everything about it is so adorable and sweet. I positively adore animals and all of your stories made me feel so joyful. You definitely have a knack for storytelling and the flow of every story was so seamless. Also, I especially like how each chapter is in a completely different setting but you immerse the reader so well. I was super excited that you included sound effects for the first chapter and was just a little disappointed that the other two chapters didn't have one! There is nothing more calming then having nature noises to accompany high quality content. I also really like how you are not afraid to combine violence with gentleness. Both your second and third chapters have some parts that can be considered a little gruesome, but you tie it back to the end moral so smoothly. This is a fantastic project and I'm really glad I got the opportunity to read it! I am looking forward to your future chapters!
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ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHi Trini,
I enjoyed reading your storybook and seeing how each image reflected the story. I loved all of the images you used throughout your stories. I feel like you were spot on with having the images relate to the theme of your stories. I think images are so important because they help the reader paint a picture in their head. It was extremely clever to add the river sound effects in your first story. It made reading your story even better. You did an excellent job at explaining the reasoning behind your story in your author's notes. One thing I might suggest is changing the title page for each story, as opposed to having story 1, 2, and 3! That way readers can get a glimpse of what the story might be about. I can tell you put a lot of effort into making your stories unique, fun, and original. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to read more of your stories.
Trini, I thought your stories were really good. They all flowed very good and my favorite was your story over Manu. I enjoyed your rendition of it and I thought it flowed very well and your character progression was very good. I also really liked the set up of your website. The headers on each page are good and reflect the theme of each story and the characters that are in it. Overall, I thought your stories were well written out and they all flowed very well. Your writing ability is very good and I enjoyed reading each story. One other thing that I thought was super cool about your website was your ability to use other forms of media to develop your stories. That's what I really liked about Manu, was that you used an additional YouTube video to tell your story. Good luck to you in your future stories and I can't wait to read them sometime!
ReplyDeleteHiya Trini,
ReplyDeleteI don't think I have come across any of your work yet! I love your title. Your images are fantastic and I really like that you provided audio for reading your first story. I love that Elephant!!
You don't really need the titles to be written twice (Once in the banner and once in the body of the page). I think you can just leave the titles in the banners.
Did you consider putting the species of animal on the bar at the top instead of story one, two and three?
I couldn't find a link to your comment wall on your storybook site. It may just be hidden somewhere I didn't look but I think it would be a good idea to either add its own page or place a link in the footer of each page.
I can't wait to read more of your work. Good luck on your future stories and I hope this helps!
Hi~
ReplyDeleteNice job on your stories. It's not enjoyable to read something that is hard to understand so I commend you on your abilities to write clearly. The stories are almost a perfect length. You are able to tell the whole story without dragging anything on. The only thing I'd recommend is perhaps changing up sentence length. There are a few sentences that seem to drag a bit, I think adding some variety will help keep the reader active.
This week's comments focus on author's notes. I like how you explain what the story is supposed to mean. While I usually got the gist of the story, it was still helpful to confirm what was supposed to be taken away. I think because your version stays close to the original, you don't have to spend as much time describing/retelling it. Maybe you could add interesting elements that were left out, background to the situation, or more context.
Overall your project looks great! Good luck on the rest of the semester.
Trini,
ReplyDeleteI love your storybook! Your organizational format lends itself very well to the animals you are writing about. Tales of Tails is an appropriate and clever way to express your overall theme. The large banner images set the tone for each individual narrative. Each of the “tales of tails” is well written and expresses the balance that we share with other animals in the world around us. I enjoyed reading each of them. What if you gave your link banner at the top of your webpage the same individual treatment by changing the link titles from Story One, Story, Two, etc. to something along the lines of:
Home * Manu (fish) * Shibi (bird) * Girly-face (elephant) * Yudhishthira(dog)
This addition to your outstanding format could further tantalize your readers with what lays ahead if they chose to click on the links and read further. Great job with your storybook. I hope that yours is one that Professor Gibbs uses as an example in future classes!